heart

please let me talk about heart, feelings just this once.
i rarely express my feelings , i'm not an extrovert, and i dont accept me being labeled as introvert coz it sounds too negative. i need confidence, people.
well, when it comes to feelings, my lips are tied up, my actions stopped, i avoided everything that will flourish the feelings.
am i handicapped or what?
in my first teenagers time, i think its a gift, coz it'll avoid me doing things that are not good, and illegal in Islam, so alhamdulillah. But u know, now i'm too old to just ignore those feelings. some feelings such as love are needed in life, for the future, for husband and wife. so what should i do?

*THIS IS MY BLOG, I WRITE EVEYTHING I WANT, I THINK NOBODY'S READING MY BLOG EXCEPT MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS. BUT I DO SMELL SOMEONE'S OTHER THAN MY SIBLINGS COMING IN.HAHHA GOTCHA! DO TELL ME IF YOU'RE OUT THERE*

kembali bernafas

i'm back breathing knowing that i dont have to repeat the impression, meaning that gonna be doing insertion next, people!!! how membencikan it is, having a very rude patient, with severe over gag reflex,i'm getting nervous because of her, because of well, first time doing crown right! repeating her impression for about 3 times, god knows how it feels.
now i have 3 clinics left, which, not all of them are my turn, i only take 1 of them full coz i already used my partner's clinic before for that impression whatever.
just now i had om quiz ang i think i did well. hoping to get full marks ok!! since previous quiz i did hampesly.
whew, i reallllllllly came back breathing for that crown thingy. u know, its 6 marks to go for the next insertion stage, which only will take 10 minutes, sangat rugi kalo terlepas. ALHAMDULILLAH, He gave me this nikmah i wont forget, insyaAllah. and everything i got from clinic, all of them are hikmahs, which taught me a lot. none of them should i let go without taking lessons.

now, i'm relaxing, while polishing my shoes. life is good~~

blacklisting

i'm blacklisting few of doctors name. and WHO CARES if me doing this.
people dont think about others, why should i. sometimes husnu zon doesnt work in certain situations.for certain people. life is just that, teaching u things u dont get from classes. forcing u to live by your own and making your own decisions, taking responsbilities for what u've done. taking care for your own self. if i did wrong, i should be punished for that, and vice versa.
wondering how parents will feel, raising their children, once just a girl who know nothing, being under the care of theirs. and now, that girl is someone whose doing something on her own, being punished and blamed with no one backing behind. parents feel like they are losing their kids right? i can imagine the feeling. alright..
now gotta prepare for the bebelan, guys! who knows what will happen? doctors dont understand and dont remember, but they keep nagging on things they are not certain. me, hating to explain things that i dont think need explainations, especially when it comes to MY REQUIREMENTS, misundertood-ed by that doctor.blablablabla. so what.

hikmahNya tersembunyi

tadi aku buat survey di hospital. tanya pakcik tu, boleh tak aku tanya soalan sikit. anak pakcik ni umur brape? die kate boleh, tapi anak aku ni tgkla, manenye die akan jawab. skali aku paling, anak die syndrom down. aku try buat muka biasa. mane bleh aku double standard. die ada 2 anak. pastu umur anaknya tu x macam yg aku nak, so aku ckp xpela.aku pun pergi.. aku nak buat survey ni, xsure bleh ke x syndrome down. bukan aku nak double standard, tapi memang akan terdouble standard gak! sorry adekku! kecik2 lagi dah menanggung beban dan ujian yang berat.
Ikutkan hati, rasa sedih sangat kenapala si kecil ni dibebani ujian berat sebegini. Tapi kehidupan dunia dan segala ketentuan Allah dalam hidup ini bukan boleh dikira dengan hati-perasaan sahaja. Jika kita beriman denganNya, berimanlah juga dengan sifatNya yang bijaksana itu. Setiap apa yang dijadikanNya ada hikmah, usah kasihan dan bersedih dengan takdir, itukan ketentuanNya, apa, aku pandai sangat ke nak tafsirkan yang keadaannya yang sebegitu adalah suatu keburukan buatnya? HikmahNya tersembunyi, kita terlalu jahil menafsirnya. Mungkin dengan cacatnya seseorang, maka kemungkinan dia untuk berdosa kurang, lalu kebarangkaliannya ke syurga lebih tinggi, betul tak? adakah kita akan bergembira jika kita tahu benda ni? mestilah kan.

i need kids from 6-16yo now. doing research about white spot lesion. And i needed them too, for pulpotomies, space maintaner and trauma case. i'm a real kids hunter now. feeling like running after them and eat them! HAHA.

blabla blabla n blabla please dont blabla bla if u blabla n blabla again

hating everything than happened around me now. Why people have to act like u're right always and pleaseeeeeee trust me or at least put a very low expectation on me so i wont piss you off. Auwww, i know what im doing auw what u've said hurts me a lot, auww i hate your blablabla..

i never trust anybody will take the responsibility if i dont finish my requirements...what, i'm in the second clinical year now, of course i'll manage my case IN MY WAY. and it works, ad aq kesah kalo ko marah aku? wei, u're insignificant to me LOL..and when what i did is not wrong and i jaga hak kawan2, aku tak peningkan dan sibukkan ko, so what's the prob man??!! PEOPLE HELP ME.

I told you nur, dont be too polite to everybody, hewah! coz people dont need it anyway, and they can just easily step on your head like its nothing. Auww, that hurts!


Lastly, like ujang said, 'kill! kill! die! die!!'
WAH!

hahaha...

astaghfiruLlah bertaubatlah dikau~

sila kurangkan tido!!

waah..nak membebel panjang2 dalam blog kesayanganku ini..!!
1stly, if u're stressed, make sure its good one! life is boring if its soo perfect. perfect is boring-i wrote this at fb status but deleted it coz i hate people using fb to judge people. tackle your problems, feel challenged and alert, u'll benefit from your stresses.

hello aku sangat penaaat these days, so gotta sleep, but sleeping reduce my study time so its membengangkan diriku. why? RELAXLAH aku uuuii..TAPI aku ni bukan senang nak ada masa yang mana study tu masuk dalam kepala otak aku. most of my study time is becoz of force, and mayb about 60% worked. Ya Allah moga ilmu mudah masuk!!

Next is, pleaselah aku malas dah nak gado ngan makcik2 dispensary, taklarat nak nanges dah. cukop2la hoi....sebenarnya bukannya salah makcik2 tu 100%, sistem markaz sihhi keseluruhannya tu yg hampes. Dah dental unit sikit, student amik banyak2, requirements banyak2...SAPE punye salah semua ni ok??? kalau ada kekurangan dari situ, semua oranglah kena bekerjasama dalam kekurangan ini! kerja lebih masa, penat lebih, datang awal..dah ko amik student banyak kan, kitorng bayar ape, ko jangan makan gaji buta ok!!! puas sikit hati ini. Ape ingat student muda sangat ko bleh marah sesuka hati sebab ko nak kluar MAKAN je? hadussssss...terkoyak hati ini. mulut takmampu nak cakap sangat, kurang vocab arab, kang kalo silap nahu tengah marah2 tu dah jadi kelakar, bukan marah dah. malu je kan.

lain2 lagi..hmm..banyak benda yang aku fikir belakangan ni sbnrnye. Aku selalu rasa yang aku belajar course ni macam angin lalu je sbnarnya. Walaupun aku berhempas pulas, sebenrnya ialah sebab aku taknak gagal. itu je. my ultimate goal is to become a fulltime muslim. Moga aku grad supaya aku jadi contoh muslim yang berjaya. dah lama aku nak belajar agama secara formal, tapi asyik ada halangan. aku rasa itu adalah kepuasan sebenar, sebab kita nampak goal kita, nak dapat redha ALlah, nak mendekatkan diri kepadanya, nak tahu lebih banyak lagi mengenaiNya, mengenai ayat2Nya yang penuh rahsia itu. Aku bukan sekadar nak tahu terjemahan, itu boleh baca sendiri. Aku nak belajar! Bila kita susah nak dapatkan sesuatu, selalunya itu adalah sesuatu yang sangat berharga.
Sekadar belajar dentistry duniawi ni, niatku cumalah supaya ada dentist muslim dan sekurang2nya aktiviti manusia di bahagian dentistry ni ada muslim yang arif mengenainya. Ya aku rasa semua patut berniat seperti itu!
Awang2an dentistry ini semoga cepatlah aku habiskan ia. Moga aku dapat capai ultimate goal aku, redhaNya dalam kefaqihan dalam agama!