things a mother could do

i wanted to share with you how long did i wanted to be a mother, and do the best i can for that little child of mine. but actually i was too shy to tell people how much i dreamt of doing duties as mother.

but once i am, its actually quite tough.

but what i wanted to share with you was actually what a petty mother like me can do. i took 2 months unpaid leave for breastfeeding, without the help of husband because he is actually paying fees by himself for his studies. he cant afford me being unpaid. At the same time, we rented a very nice house in a glamourous neighborhood which now the house owners are usually elderly( they bought those houses long time ago when it was cheaper). My plan was to bring up the child in a good environment and to care for my emotions and well-being at a nice place. so that i can care for another life perfectly. The rental is very expensive. Then i planned to send my baby to a nursery which staff are nurses. Expensive.
Those unpaid leave, rental and nursery are all very perfect, and expensive. my salary wasnt really high. can u imagine how did i live during that time? i cut everything i can to have money to pay for everything.even soap was expensive to me that time. i wont buy..basically anything unless i can die without it.

i think i got what i want..but i missed something else.
life is never being fair.
you need to change the way you think, in order to be happy.eventhough you could be unhappy.
life is full of secrets.