that little thing - EGO with perencah of makna diri and heart

Egoism
Definition :
1.
the habit of valuing everything only in reference to one's personal interest; selfishness ( opposed to altruism).
2.
egotism or conceit.
3.
Ethics . the view that morality ultimately rests on self-interest.

well, whatever the definition is, i hate people who is ego (like usually people say)

humpphh..urgh. i am ego myself, but i cant help to reduce it. it happens naturally. maybe actually people around me are trying their best to just ignore my ego naturality, and accept it as it is right? i should be grateful.

but when it comes to someone else being ego, i am best at making them benefit nothing for being ego. can i actually be that? dont answer coz i wont listen. haha

makna diri.

dulu aku pernah terbang ke angkasa, dengan harapan dapat mencari makna diri. dan kini aku terbang lagi, memandu jalan pulang.namun, terjumpakah, makna diri?

i doubt it.

i did found a long list of changes i needed to make, but it was just too hard to change.
i need to sacrifice.
i did sacrificed, once, 5 years back, those times were kinda good, i tamed my nafsu i think. i forced myself to do things, which means i did not act according to what i want(nafsu).
but i still feel something missing.
so i changed back.

lastly, i became myself now.
is it better or worse?
Only He knows.

(me myself were doing experiments on myself. i started doing experiments on myself since i was 14 yr old. LOL. now i think i'm too old to do experiments. LOL again.)

HEART

i just wanna say that i am not a rock that if u did anything to the rock, the rock will never move a milimeter.
i am a human being with heart and feeling.
am i someone's so cold? i guess so. cant help it though..
i am cold, i need some(thing?one?) to heat me (back?again?up?)
sometimes i feel like saying ,'i am not a puppy-yucky thing that u can do anyting u like then leave, or wronged me yet feeling nothing'
tak sangka this '30-an tahun feeling' is really yucky.