leaving jordan and establishing life in malaysia

i just couldn't say how my feelings are. mixed feeling.

Jordan, specifically irbid taught me everything. Everything that comes with it; friends that lived with me for 5 years, neighbours, persatuan2, arabs baik or not,lecturers, everything.

Masa berkemas2 nak balik tu, i'm really truely busy. 2 weeks time to do everything, syahadah thingy and kosongkan rumah, i think i would have fainted. i did caught a cold, actually. packing in jordan and unpacking in malaysia plak. isk, life is all about working, guys! Pastu bila dah sampai malaysia, aku baru sempat nak berfeeling, since everything settled only when i flew to malaysia. Kepala ringan bila rumah dah kosong, nobody called to uruskan apa2 je, -aramex-zulfa-mifc-abu ayman si sohib bayt-jiran menyerang sbb air menitik kt rmh mereka-abu yassin si haris minta duet lagi-rumah banjir-calling juniors utk amik brg- simply, everything about kosongkan rumah. next time kena sediakan perkhidmatan penerbangan utk sebuah bilik or rumah. =p
Aku tahu pedih sungguh ditinggalkan orang. I just dont know how they'll live, i'm so sorry! i cant imagine if i'm the one who'll be left by them. Aku bersyukur untuk itu, but i'm sorry for them. Lets just forget us so that u'll live better hmm? saying this with tears, really. If i think of jordan, i'll think of you, u know who you are =).

One last BIG HEAVY PRECIOUS present for me before going back for good, from my best girls through out my life in irbid, thank you. You are the best, of all. Its the best memory i ever had, that 3 days we had together, thanx girls. T_T

Yaaah...its time for me to start a new life in malaysia! That house at datuk sulaiman which pencuri just masuk, adui, hahha. My sister already prepared spaces for my stuff, barang2ku yg pelbagai. hahha. need a lot of spaces, please and thank you.

Everything was okay, i'm relaxing to the max, like i always did for the last 5 years i'm here. But wait, i already graduated and i will be working someday. Someday i mean sekejap lagi uui! Gotta prepare everything, confidence people!

Registered at spa, lapor diri at jpa, registered at kementerian kesihatan malaysia and malaysian dental council - done. now i'm waiting for interview, and of course need to do some reading and studying. Hearing some bad news about first year dental officer (FYDO), i think i need to do some extra work to get prepared.

getting unconnected to the internet for the last few days, i cant work, nor can i get updated, nor can i go surfing like i always did.

InsyaAllah i'll do my best, gotta go improving myself!

last few days

it has been about 3 days after my last paper of final exams, and after knowing that we graduated safely. Now i'm doing bits of stuff and works , for the last time here, and for the graduation thingy.
Visiting the tailor in wastul balad, asking her to sew my graduation robe, she congrats me. oh my, that's my last time visiting her. i remembered her who has a very good skill at sewing, neatly. we once talked about gold as she saw my locket when i wanted to try my jilbab in front of her. Iman, yes her name is iman. she even asked me to bring her one, and she'll pay for me coz she said that gold from malaysia are better. well, i'm going back forever now and not gonna come back again. poor her. i remembered how i frequently came to her because her works are superb. she praised malaysian for not wearing tight clothes, knowing our aurat as a muslimah. well, thats my last time there guys! cried already.

then today, i went to the dry cleaner, the verrry nice guy and respectfull, eventhough i dont think he's much of a multazimin,muhtaram people as said here( wara'). he congrat'ed me, and he asked about what i gonna specialized, i said maybe jirahah (surgery) . he said, kal untha, lazim takhassus bil nisa'ie, aw atfal. ( as a women, you should specialized in OnG, or pediatrics) . ana tibb asnan, mush basyari. iza ana duktur bashari, insyaALlah bitkhasus bi nisaie. ( i said i'm a dentist, if i'm a doctor, i'll specialized in OnG) .. right, i love listening to someone from the street's advice. They are sincere, and i got to know people. its ..just nice. jalan2 cari kawan sambil bina iman.

well, life is not about keeping memory.is not about reminiscing only. you are not living in past but live for future okayh!
being abroad for 5 years, it is really TIME for me to go back. i heard mom's calling already. serve your country and family, that's your real job now. or you can say profession as in admin you just learnt this last semester.

lets stop the damages

what is that actually?
It's stopping exams. its simply exams=damages. why? because during exams, we stay on the chair or being immobile for the whole day studying. We read from notes that we wrote with veryvery small letter. we dont sleep, or at least we slept with nightmares, dreaming that its already the day of exam and we haven't finished studying. we ate maggy for God sake thats carcinogenic! we forced our brain until migraine is what we got after every exams. we slept during the day after EVERY exams. (WHAT?!) we forgot to eat.-maybe its an advantage =)

lets just stop it. there's one paper letf, insyaAllah khayr.

Satu benda aku nak cakap kat sini, we're not hamba of media, please. Media sibuk pasal LL4G, kita cakap psl LL4G. media sibuk pasal world cup, kita sibuk pasal world cup lah pulak. then kalau pasal AF, AF la pulak ke? Ada ke kita ikut pkembangan media supaya org cop kita mengikut arus dunia mcm tu? please. obsessed dengan media, atau apa2 saja menurunkan nilai diri seseorang, thats it.

Setiap orang perlu ada pendirian, atau prinsip masing2. at least kita tahu kenapa kita beri perhatian mengenai ll4g, sebab kita sokong org nak menyelamatkan gaza. kenapa nak menyelamatkan gaza, sebab itu masjid ke3 dalam islam. kenapa dan kenapa. ada asasnya, bukan mengikut orang membuta tuli. bukan untuk menonjol atau menunjuk2 sahaja.
lepas kutuk2 israel, sokong pula world cup, siap jadi fan lagi. apa sejarahnya world cup, baca skeet! memang harus minat bola, kata ulama, tp jangan fanatik boleh tak? kalau fanatik dengan negara sendiri boleh tahan lagi, ni fanatik dekat negara lain, mesti negara tu sendiri pelik, ada peminat dari negara luar seperti malaysia nih.

adui..
kalau ada sesapa xsetuju tu, maaflah yek.
and i dont know how to write it in a better way than this.

please allow me to cry nonstop!!!

on the very only one birthday, it turns out to be the worst day ever.
selama lbh kurang sebulan jugak aku simpan kes pulpotomy tu, dan jaga case tu dr dicuri orang, setiap kali ptn tu dtg klinik, aku bergegas ke sana utk pastikan kes pulpotomy tu selamat dalam penge'cop'an aku..
selamat sudah ptn tu, lbh2 lg dia cooperative, i think she's ok.
on the very only day, my anesthesia is not profound. then master dr did once again, it failed! what happpppeeeeeennneeeddd???

mungkin ada salah.
mungkin ada dosa
mungkin Dia mengujiku
mungkin Dia menegurku
mungkin Dia menghukumku
mungkin
mungkin dan mungkin

Ya Allah kuingin cahayaMu, menerangi hidupku
tanpamu aku jatuh
Ya Allah, rebahlah aku , malulah aku, buruknya aku, kerana terlupa padaMu

At the very end'th of time, blame it yourself. u didnt practice giving ID block perfectly. u didnt help ur friends, ur partner, u're too cerewet that makes u a selfish.SELFISH!SELFISH SELFISHSELFISHSELFISH!!!!

baeeklah aku keje jual ikan, kaaaaann?

heart

please let me talk about heart, feelings just this once.
i rarely express my feelings , i'm not an extrovert, and i dont accept me being labeled as introvert coz it sounds too negative. i need confidence, people.
well, when it comes to feelings, my lips are tied up, my actions stopped, i avoided everything that will flourish the feelings.
am i handicapped or what?
in my first teenagers time, i think its a gift, coz it'll avoid me doing things that are not good, and illegal in Islam, so alhamdulillah. But u know, now i'm too old to just ignore those feelings. some feelings such as love are needed in life, for the future, for husband and wife. so what should i do?

*THIS IS MY BLOG, I WRITE EVEYTHING I WANT, I THINK NOBODY'S READING MY BLOG EXCEPT MY SISTERS AND BROTHERS. BUT I DO SMELL SOMEONE'S OTHER THAN MY SIBLINGS COMING IN.HAHHA GOTCHA! DO TELL ME IF YOU'RE OUT THERE*

kembali bernafas

i'm back breathing knowing that i dont have to repeat the impression, meaning that gonna be doing insertion next, people!!! how membencikan it is, having a very rude patient, with severe over gag reflex,i'm getting nervous because of her, because of well, first time doing crown right! repeating her impression for about 3 times, god knows how it feels.
now i have 3 clinics left, which, not all of them are my turn, i only take 1 of them full coz i already used my partner's clinic before for that impression whatever.
just now i had om quiz ang i think i did well. hoping to get full marks ok!! since previous quiz i did hampesly.
whew, i reallllllllly came back breathing for that crown thingy. u know, its 6 marks to go for the next insertion stage, which only will take 10 minutes, sangat rugi kalo terlepas. ALHAMDULILLAH, He gave me this nikmah i wont forget, insyaAllah. and everything i got from clinic, all of them are hikmahs, which taught me a lot. none of them should i let go without taking lessons.

now, i'm relaxing, while polishing my shoes. life is good~~

blacklisting

i'm blacklisting few of doctors name. and WHO CARES if me doing this.
people dont think about others, why should i. sometimes husnu zon doesnt work in certain situations.for certain people. life is just that, teaching u things u dont get from classes. forcing u to live by your own and making your own decisions, taking responsbilities for what u've done. taking care for your own self. if i did wrong, i should be punished for that, and vice versa.
wondering how parents will feel, raising their children, once just a girl who know nothing, being under the care of theirs. and now, that girl is someone whose doing something on her own, being punished and blamed with no one backing behind. parents feel like they are losing their kids right? i can imagine the feeling. alright..
now gotta prepare for the bebelan, guys! who knows what will happen? doctors dont understand and dont remember, but they keep nagging on things they are not certain. me, hating to explain things that i dont think need explainations, especially when it comes to MY REQUIREMENTS, misundertood-ed by that doctor.blablablabla. so what.