things a mother could do

i wanted to share with you how long did i wanted to be a mother, and do the best i can for that little child of mine. but actually i was too shy to tell people how much i dreamt of doing duties as mother.

but once i am, its actually quite tough.

but what i wanted to share with you was actually what a petty mother like me can do. i took 2 months unpaid leave for breastfeeding, without the help of husband because he is actually paying fees by himself for his studies. he cant afford me being unpaid. At the same time, we rented a very nice house in a glamourous neighborhood which now the house owners are usually elderly( they bought those houses long time ago when it was cheaper). My plan was to bring up the child in a good environment and to care for my emotions and well-being at a nice place. so that i can care for another life perfectly. The rental is very expensive. Then i planned to send my baby to a nursery which staff are nurses. Expensive.
Those unpaid leave, rental and nursery are all very perfect, and expensive. my salary wasnt really high. can u imagine how did i live during that time? i cut everything i can to have money to pay for everything.even soap was expensive to me that time. i wont buy..basically anything unless i can die without it.

i think i got what i want..but i missed something else.
life is never being fair.
you need to change the way you think, in order to be happy.eventhough you could be unhappy.
life is full of secrets.

expectation lost its way

a women was brave enough...
to tell him that she likes him
he like it too

being a mother has taken my life. i was being very judgemental to myself.
i dont wanna make mistake. i dont wanna be this, i dont wanna be that.
i am tired. the world is only about me and my son.
and he walked away from our world.

KWSP

aku baru g kwsp. since aku dah tukar tempat kerja dan akan sah jawatan dalam masa yg agak lama...so kwsp aku akan kutip duit aku lagi dalam few years lagi (lama!)

ok so...aku nak menggunakan duit kwsp aku sebaiknya. pegawai tadi explain baik punya. (orang sekarang ni bagus2 lah!) basically duit kwsp (akaun 2) boleh dikeluarkan sama ada secara lump sum atau bayaran bulanan. jika telah dikeluarkan lump sum utk rumah pertama, rumah tersebut perlu dijual terlebih dahulu barulah boleh keluarkan lagi lump sum untuk beli rumah lagi. gitu ler.. pastu ansuran bulanan hanyalah boleh dibuat sekali sahaja seumur hidup. gitu peraturannya... jadi aku yg nak keluarkan duit tadi pulanglah tanpa membuat apa2 sebab aku nak fikir kembali mana yg lebih menguntungkan..since ada jugak plan nak beli rumah yg lain...

setakat ni masih boleh survive bayar ansuran bulanan rumah. boringnye xde duit lebih..hmm..

house financing

kalau ada je duit banyak sikit 1000 ke..boleh pergi ke bank dan mintak bayar principal. OK? sebab if lama-lama kita bayar principal, nanti habis principal loan kita maksudnya habislah loan kita.

principal is amount sebenar loan kita tanpa interest.

FYI,

first year loan kita, 650 bulan-bulan aku bayar tu, dia akan pergi dalam 450 ke interest, dalam 200 je bayar principal. itu memang semua bank cenggitu katanya(banker aku jumpa tadi).

thats why, walaupun dah lama bayar, tapi nampak loan kita banyaaak je lagi. caitcitcit punya bank kan. masa apply loan janji suweeet jer.

so, my aim is...ada dlm 10 000 ke, hmm mcm banyak. 5000 lah.. g bank minta bayar principal. bukan banyak pon loan aku. hmm...best hidup ni xde loan. dalam few years lagi insyaAllah i can say goodbye to bankloans.

woman is/not complicated

believe me, women are not complicated at all WHEN THEY ARE STILL SINGLE. women only become complicated when they are with men. thats why men think women are complicated.

biasanya aku memang ingat dan hargai apa yang orang lain buat untuk aku. but with Mr Hubby, macam tak pernah cukup. always need more =p but now, aku realized and try to be a better wife.

lagi pula, sekarang ni too much articles yang favor feminisme; laki malas dan perempuan yang kena buat semua. it shouldnt be generalized to all husbands. men rarely talk about what they did and what they feel. actually kalau kita senaraikan satu2, memang banyak yang men dah buat.

ok actually feminisme ni pemikiran dia sealiran ngan liberalisme. betul tak? padahal wanita Islam sepatutnya taat pada suami dan mengikut apa yang diajar dalam alQuran dan hadith, bukan yg diajar oleh mana2 artikel feminisme. Kebanyakan wanita menjadi penghuni neraka bukanlah kerana tidak mengerjakan solat atau mencuri dsbg, tapi kerana tidak taat pada suami. percayalah, jika isteri taat, suami pasti menjadi lebih baik dari itu.

bila dengan Mr hubby, memang aku jadi oversensitive. kadang rindu, kadang marah, kadang terasa, kadang sayang....haih. u man have changed me.

resepi ketam goreng kunyit

ketam goreng kunyit

2 ekor ketam saiz sederhana besar
1 1/2 bawang besar
cili pes
kunyit pes
cili padi

blend 1/2 biji bawang besar, kemudian campurkan bersama 3 sudu besar pes cili, 1/2 sudu besar pes kunyit, 1 biji bawang besar dipotong bulat dan 5 biji cili padi dipotong dua dan ketam.

kemudian goreng dalam minyak yang separa menenggelamkan ketam tersebut. selepas 2 minit, masukkan air asam jawa(1/4 sudu besar pes asam jawa dicampur dengan setengah cawan air). tutup periuk, kecilkan api dan biarkan ketam masak seketika.
besarkan api dan buka penutup untuk mengeringkan kuah tersebut. masak sehingga naik minyak. siap!

adventurous beginning of my new life with him

got married 4 months ago. UPT was positive 2 months ago. was happy and excited but later got problems, unstable emotions...before i found out that i'd missed miscarriage. the fetus is still 7 weeks length eventhough its age is 11 weeks. no heartbeat. gone to another hospital, HKL, same diagnosis.

later went to pusrawi and again, diagnosed incomplete abortion. need to do dnc. two days later, i got cramp like period pain but little more painful than that, plus shivering and sweating for 15 minutes.never felt like this before. passed out a large blood clot 4cmx4cm then an hour after that, the empty sac passed out, painlessly, smoothly. the sac is around 10cmx10cm. really huge. felt like im already experienced half of the pain of delivering a baby.

i still cant forget the moment something really huge passed out of my body.
after what had happen, i got 14 days mc. a heavenly gift from Allah. somehting i really needed and hoped for this last few months, and He gave it, but not for free.

truely, after every hardship/sorrow, there's happiness. wink*



ok forget about these things. i can still get pregnant normally after this, insyaAllah. what i need to do is planning, these 2 weeks of mc, i cant go out! duduk rumah, takboleh buat kerja. sooo


my life plan is :

1) exam mjdf next year (april 2013)

register online. i already had account for online registration : rcs 90672**, Dr NA Abdul Hayei.

2) before 40/after grad as sp/kalo dah bosan ngan gomen, ill start my private practice.

read these :

private healthcare facilities and services act (nur ayman>kerja talk)

so now, lets study lah kan.

p/s : bila sakit macamni, husb plak jaga i macam princess, macam nk mengandung tiap2 bulan rasenye =p